With all of the advances in so many fields over the last hundred years, one would think humankind would have advanced further in the field of dating. Alas, we have mired ourselves in countless dating myths that have kept us from finding true love. Among the myriad bits of bad advice we give ourselves and each other while wading through the dating jungle, three of these most prevalent myths stick out like bad haircuts. Let’s have a look at these half-truths and why they can hold you back from finding a partner.
photo by Kevin Dooley
Playing hard-to-get has probably been the most used and abused advice ever given in the field of dating. Any lasting relationship is going to be based on openness and honesty, so starting out with an act is hardly the best beginning. If you feel the need to play it cool, it’s possible you are truly afraid of commitment. Is trust an issue for you? You’re not alone. But perpetuating this kind of behavior is ineffective. What does work? Try simply being kind and available. This works on several levels. If the other person reciprocates, you know you’re off to a good start. If the other person takes advantage of you or is scared off by your behavior, it’s best to know up front that the person isn't right for you. It may seem riskier than the “cool” approach, but it is actually easier in the long run.
On the surface, this myth seems to make sense. After all, the more opportunities with more people, the more likely you’ll actually find The One, right? That’s only true up to a point. These days, daters are spending so much time on quantity that quality falls by the wayside. The sheer enormity of the numbers can numb us down to the point where we can’t generate feelings of humanity toward the other person. In fact, if you stick to the numbers game, you will most likely wind up with somebody you’re physically attracted to, but can't move beyond that to the other important parts of a relationship. In the end, the numbers game leaves us energetically dissipated and frustrated. It’s a far better idea to slow down and open up to a handful at a time rather than keep a running score. Who are you competing with, anyway?
Believing this one will keep you single and not loving it. A certain healthy amount of true self-confidence is good to have; but it takes time to develop and is based in part on accepting ourselves, flaws and all. Far too often, this myth leads to the single person developing a false front of confidence that, much like the “hard-to-get” example discussed earlier, is bound to backfire sooner or later. The tough shell that isn't allowed to show any cracks…eventually will. Be a person -- not an image. True sincere feelings radiate much more effectively than some ideal that is impossible to achieve. You will build true self-confidence quicker by honest expression, anyway.
The best advice is the easiest: Be yourself. That’s it. If you want to meet the person who works best for you, then they've got to know who you really are, right?
What are some other dating myths you know of? Leave a comment below!